When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
