somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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