What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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