Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
