she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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