The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
