i just made my gag reflex go away.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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