I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she told me i tasted like america
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
