I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
