you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
