We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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