Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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