So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
