How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
