I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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