i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He better not be in your backpack
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
