Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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