i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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