so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
