hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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