Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
