i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
