I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
