i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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