I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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