I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
