I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
