So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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