apparently the secret to your success is patron
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
not ubering you a puppy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
