I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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