y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
