Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
