We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
