I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
