I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You left your phone here
Wait...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
