I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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