I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
