i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
