To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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