life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
