From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
