i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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