Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
