Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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