I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
