All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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