the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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