Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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