There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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