He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
